SHESPEAKS Your Power to Influence

There are more than a few women that are ready to tie the knot. Do you have any conditions that would stop your walk down the aisle? According to a recent survey by ForbesWoman and YourTango, 75 percent of women would not marry someone who is unemployed while 65 percent of them would not marry someone if they themselves were unemployed.

This survey is quite intriguing due to the fact that more than 91 percent of the women surveyed said they would marry for love and not money.

Do you think that women are sending out a mixed message? We care about money, but we do not care about money. With the economy being a bumpy ride, shouldn’t we be a little more open if the love of our life is not working? After all how many fabulous men come around that actually want to introduce you to your nephew or niece? Probably not too many.

Here is a situation that one of my clients was in: she was madly in love with a great guy. She thought he was the one, her soulmate for life. Due to the bad economy, Mr. Soulmate lost his job and she became the sole bread winner of the household. This new found situation made things extremely tense between the two of them, they started arguing about money and were not even married yet. To make a long story short, the wedding never happened and Mr. Soulmate is now married to someone else while my client is looking for love.
 
On the flip side, another couple was about two years into their marriage when the man lost his big-time job in film. Years later he is still not worried about finding steady work since his wife has money. It tends to be a sore spot mainly for her since he is lounging around the house.

It boils down to this: you should have the money conversation. It is one of the main reasons why some relationships don't work out. If one of you in the relationship is unemployed it puts the money conversation on the table. There are some couples who never talk money before they tie the knot, because it is not a priority.  Money is a priority, so do not push the difficult conversation to the side. That could end up being a disaster for the two of you in the long run.
 
First you have to tackle your thoughts about money. When you were growing up, you developed thoughts about how money works from your environment. You are bringing all of those thoughts into your relationships. For instance, do you think that men should make more money than women? If you do not have your own money coming in, do you feel less than your partner? The list goes on and on.
 
Be honest with yourself about your thoughts and fears about money. Once you know where your thoughts and ideas come from you can have better communication with your partner about how being unemployed will effect your choices together.
 
If you find yourself in the predicament of deciding whether or not you will get married due to one of you being unemployed, what always works is listening to your gut. It is for better or worse. The worst is having to confront this issue, but doing so only makes it better for you in the long run.