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  Moms with Grown-Up Children

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How to give tuff love
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on Sep 19, 2011 (Read 19378 times | Comments: 28)
I have a question to all Moms. Heres the situation, then please give advice, Im beyond knowing what to do anymore! I married the greatest guy 3 yrs ago! Between us we have 5 kids. Mine are 23 and 15 and live with us, his are 20 (lives on his own) and 11 and 9 and live with their mother. The problem is my 23 yr old, he has had 2 DUI's before he hit 19, got caught driving with suspended license 3 times, drug paraphinalia and weed in the vehicle one of those times, all this within the past 4 yrs or so. He had moved out when he was 18, I had GIVEN him free of charge my GMC Jimmy, he lost that in one of the pull overs, cops took it, lost his job, apartment, has racked up thousands in fines, will cost him thousands to get his license back etc. So the last time he got caught he did 2 months in jail so we let him come stay with us to "get back on his feet", this was 7 mnths ago. He works making $7 an hr, we have to get him there, he drinks every night, pays no bills, no fines....
oceangirl1
oceangirl1
on May 11, 2014 Quote  »     Reply  »

Tell him if he wants to live in your house; he needs to respect that privilege and follow the rules. Give him a small time frame. Maybe you can seek some professional help through family court. (Sometimes it is free) I will pray for your family.
mightymouth
mightymouth
on May 20, 2014 Quote  »     Reply  »

You want to see him back on his feet and on his own. One thing that would help him is perhaps you can charge him for rent plus encourage him to put a fixed amount of money in the bank each payday. After a year or so you can give him the rent money as a gift to help him find a new home to live.
Lynda1957
Lynda1957
on Jul 06, 2016 Quote  »     Reply  »

I have three of my adult children living here, my daughter and her husband are in a drug program and it is part of the deal if they want to stay here. They are 8 months sober now and they pay rent to support the house. They were told if they leave the program , they will be on the streets. She was stealing from me (before the clinic) my medications disappeared as well, she broke into my car for money and cigarettes....That was when i put my foot down on them. My son got the same ultimatum with his opioid addiction but he decided to go on his own, before I told him and now he is 1 month sober, and i told him the same thing- I have dealt with it all- alcoholism, drug abuse and all the side effects including a couple of overdoses....I am not ready to relax just yet, but i thing they have it handled
Chrisd050
Chrisd050
on Jul 20, 2016 Quote  »     Reply  »

I have two sons who are 22 and 18. My oldest is in the military and youngest is about to go off to college. In my home there are house rules regardless how old you are. I have a set of rules for my home that they must go by so when they come to visit they all ready know they have to follow them. I have told them you do what you want you get your own place and are not in my home. I have always did my best to reason them like I was raised from a Christian home. I have set down and had talks with them so they wouldn't make the same mistakes I have made. I was always taught if you train up a child in the right way and when they get old they will not depart from it. I gave my sons responsibilities. They both had small jobs in high school. They help pay for their cell phone bills, put gas in the car and pay for their hair cuts and extra snacks etc.....they wanted. Tough love is hard but it must be done. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
Amberangel
Amberangel
on May 09, 2017 Quote  »     Reply  »

I can tell you, I was this person you are describing .....# words...put him out. He will never be weaned unless you shove him straight from the nest. You will worry about him and you will do that even if he was not in all of this turmiol. You cannot blame no one but him if it all stays crappy for him when he is out on his own. You can think of it like this, if you died tomorrow, he will be on his own, so put him out now and enjoy sme of your life.
Amberangel
Amberangel
on May 09, 2017 Quote  »     Reply  »

I can tell you, I was this person you are describing .....# words...put him out. He will never be weaned unless you shove him straight from the nest. You will worry about him and you will do that even if he was not in all of this turmiol. You cannot blame no one but him if it all stays crappy for him when he is out on his own. You can think of it like this, if you died tomorrow, he will be on his own, so put him out now and enjoy some of your life.My sons are now 30 and 35, and all is well so far. I learned to fly the hard way by bad choices and had to figure out how to survive, let this boy do it too.
Amberangel
Amberangel
on May 09, 2017 Quote  »     Reply  »

I can tell you, I was this person you are describing .....# words...put him out. He will never be weaned unless you shove him straight from the nest. You will worry about him and you will do that even if he was not in all of this turmoil. You cannot blame no one but him if it all stays crappy for him when he is out on his own. You can think of it like this, if you died tomorrow, he will be on his own, so put him out now and enjoy some of your life.My sons are now 30 and 35, and all is well so far. I learned to fly the hard way by bad choices and had to figure out how to survive, let this boy do it too. IT WILL MAKE OR BREAK HIM,, BETTER HIM THAN YOU BECAUSE HE MAKES BAD CHOICES.
Amberangel
Amberangel
on May 09, 2017 Quote  »     Reply  »

I can tell you, I was this person you are describing .....# words...put him out. He will never be weaned unless you shove him straight from the nest. You will worry about him and you will do that even if he was not in all of this turmoil. You cannot blame no one but him if it all stays crappy for him when he is out on his own. You can think of it like this, if you died tomorrow, he will be on his own, so put him out now and enjoy some of your life.My sons are now 30 and 35, and all is well so far. I learned to fly the hard way by bad choices and had to figure out how to survive, let this boy do it too. IT WILL MAKE OR BREAK HIM,, BETTER HIM THAN YOU BECAUSE HE MAKES BAD CHOICES.....My parents did the tough love to me....it worked after many years, I do not blame them and do not know why they did not do it to me sooner than what they did.
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