Modern Etiquette: What Rules Still Exist? Tell us your thoughts to win a $75 Amazon gift card

    by   SheSpeaksTeam   

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Jul 10, 2019
438

"Dear Abby" was one of the original syndicated advice columns, appearing in over 1,200 newspapers and read by over 95 million people. Times have certainly changed since "Dear Abby" launched in 1956, but we are curious: are there still rules for common etiquette? And if so, what are they?

In the past few weeks, 5 burning questions have come up within the SheSpeaks Team. After much discussion, here are our best answers. Do you agree? Tell us what you think and you'll be entered to win a $75 Amazon gift card!

Are there any questions you'd love the answers to? Submit them and we'll include some of our favorites as future polls on our website!

Q 1. If you bring a dish to a get-together, is it appropriate to bring home the leftovers?

Not usually. Leftovers should be left for the host to enjoy. However, if there are a ton of leftovers and the host is truly insisting you take it, then take it. It's certainly not worth fighting over.

2. Is it rude to leave your cell phone on the table when dining with friends?

Yes, it's rude, but sometimes it has to be done. For example, if you are out without your kids, then it's ok to keep the phone out in case there is any issue at home. But don't take any calls or texts unless they are truly important. It's not fun to be at dinner with someone who cares more about their device than you.

3. If a single person is going in on a present with a couple who is married or dating, does the single person pay 50% and the couple pay 50% or does each individual person pay one-third?

If everyone knows the recipient equally, than everyone pays equally. But if the partner in the couple doesn't know the recipient and is really just a guest, then 50-50 might be ok. Make sure to talk about it with each other before assuming the amount.

4. How do you get out of an annoying group text conversation without insulting everyone in it?

No one wants to hear constant phone beeping when they're not interested in the chat. If there's a chance that the discussion will end soon, then just silence your phone and ignore it. But if it looks like this chain might be permanent, then it's ok to beg out. Best to send a light-hearted text, something like, "Hey all, love this group but need to get away from the phone and actually pay attention to my children! Can you remove me from the chat? Thx!"

5. Are thank you notes necessary? Do they always have to be hand-written?

Everyone appreciates a thank-you but there are varying degrees of how it needs to be said. If your friend buys you a drink for your bithday, sending a thank-you text afterwards is perfect. But if you receive more meaningful gifts, like at your wedding, graduation party or baby shower, than, yes, we still believe that hand-written notes are ideal. Email is ok for informal events if it is truly personalized. If someone spent time picking out a thoughtful (or expensive) gift for your new baby, they deserve something more than a group email saying, "Thanks for coming to my shower! Loved your gift!" 

What do you think? What questions do you have? Enter for the chance to win a $75 Amazon gift card!

#SheSpeaksEtiquette Giveaway

*One lucky contestant will be chosen at random to receive a $75 Amazon gift card. Giveaway is open through July 28th, 2019 to U.S. residents at least 18 years of age. Entrants must be a member of SheSpeaks. If you are not a member, click here to join. Winner will be notified by email.

Update: Thanks to all who entered! Congrats to our winner, SheSpeaks member beaniebaby70.

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by ffxgirl1 | FAIRFAX, VA
Jul 17, 2019

There's nothing wrong with bringing home leftovers if the host suggests it. Otherwise it's rude ! If someone keeps their phone on the table that's fine but only if they don't constantly look at it.

by Tweetymama1973 | BUFFALO, NY
Jul 17, 2019

I believe that thank you notes are still necessary weather hand written or store bought

by Caroliciouspop | INDIO, CA
Jul 17, 2019

1.I think that it's OK to take left overs if the host offers them to who ever wants to take them. It's not that it's rude it's just a common sense thing to do when some else host a party, and that is to leave them. 2. I guess it depends what type of friends they are because nowadays everyone has a phone they can't be without. I would be surprised if any of my friends got offended by this. They shouldn't get offended because it's a normal thing to do. They should adapt to the changes. 3. Yes, it should be equal between all three. It would just be unfair to make a single person to pay for half. The right thing to do cuz it's fair is to divide by 3. 4. If your dealing with adults I don't understand why anyone would have to lie to get out of a text group. I think the best option would be to be straight out. Why would they get offended if the person wasn't ask if they wanted to be part of it anyways. Adults don't get offended or they shouldn't if they do they need to grow up.

by AmAtHome | Baton Rouge, LA
Jul 16, 2019

These are all still valid, in my opinion.

by valerie520 | San Antonio, TX
Jul 16, 2019

I think a lot of common sense and basic manners have been lost with technology, but I understand everything changes too. Given that notion, I think Than? You notes are more meaningful and personal, especially in today's tech world.

by mkvegas | Las Vegas, NV
Jul 16, 2019

Good advice!

by Bobbers789 | Parma Heights, OH
Jul 16, 2019

I still send thank you notes. I think it is a nice gesture.

by olivernmindy | BROOKFIELD, IL
Jul 16, 2019

Good tips - always nice to have gentle reminders :)

by SeymaShabbir | RALEIGH, NC
Jul 16, 2019

I agree! The one that gets me is taking the leftovers home. I know a few people who never bring a dish to share for a potluck and ask to take leftovers or bring a drink then take what is not finished back. Drives me crazy.

by nosyqueen | Harare, OU
Jul 16, 2019

I definitely agree with all these things and thank you notes show your heartfelt appreciation

by lisamccloud | ERIE, PA
Jul 15, 2019

Well imma be honest.....I will take home leftovers in a heartbeat...ijs

by cyndylew26 | CHICAGO, IL
Jul 15, 2019

Yes i will take a plate home. The way my family and friends operate, there is always enough food cooked so that everyone is allowed to take a plate home. It's always been like that as long as i can remember.

by Indyanna63 | Bloomington, IN
Jul 15, 2019

I'm glad to see a discussion about etiquette! These are all good tips. I still like to send cards, and I've been in those group chat situations where I've had to beg out. It's always a delicate mkment!

by mprimo1 | SCOTTSDALE, AZ
Jul 15, 2019

Agree with all.

by Manda_PatsFan | SOUTHBRIDGE, MA
Jul 15, 2019

I agree with all except for #4. If I'm put in a group chat and don't want to be in it for whatever the reason may be, I will let them know right away to take me out. If you get offended by me asking to be taken out of a chat, then I don't know what to tell you.

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