Moving In Together, Is It A Good Move?

   By drodriguez  Aug 21, 2008
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Ever since people started moving in with each other before marriage, researchers have been studying the effects. Years ago the idea of an unwed couple living together made many people uncomfortable and raised quite a few eyebrows.

Today, the idea of couples cohabitating has become a lot more common. According to a report by the National Marriage Project at New Jersey's Rutgers University more than half of couples in their first marriages lived together beforehand.

Reports that came out some 20 and 25 years ago revealed negative effects of living with a significant other before marriage. The divorce rate proved to be substantially higher than those who did not live together before marriage. Researchers today believe this was due to the fact that cohabitating couples back then were considered the rebels and may have not been interested in marriage to begin with.

As living together before marriage becomes more common, the more important it is for couples to discuss this exciting next step in their relationship. A recent CNN article discusses a few important things that couples should consider before taking the plunge. First, the reason for moving in together should be understood by both partners. Decide together whether this is the next step toward marriage or you are just doing it out of convenience and financial need.

Lee Richey, a marriage and family therapist, says a couple should ask themselves if they are going to truly commit to each other's well being on every level. If the answer is no, then they should reconsider the big move. Richey also suggests couples find a new place together rather than moving into their spouses already established place of residence. This will help to make the couple feel equal ownership over the space.

What do you think of moving in with a partner before marriage?

In what ways do you think this move could benefit or hurt a committed couple?

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emily30 by emily30 | MINNEAPOLIS, MN
Aug 25, 2008

I don't have any problems with people living together before getting married (or even instead of getting married). But, for myself, I wouldn't want to do it unless we were already engaged. I don't want to give up my freedom and share a bathroom with someone unless I have a bit more security. Yes, it's possible to get divorced, but I think you have a lot more rights in a divorce than if you're just a girlfriend in a breakup. I think it would be terrible to not only get dumped, but have no where to sleep besides a shared space. Or to break up with someone and have them still living with you!

cagbchee by cagbchee | AUSTIN, TX
Aug 25, 2008

I moved in with a guy before and we did not work out. You have to be careful about the decision because you will never know everything about anybody no matter how longa you know them. You have to trust them and like life, take a chance.

CarrieL by CarrieL | MT WASHINGTON, KY
Aug 25, 2008

You should never buy a car without taking it out for a test drive. That's the way I looked at living together for 3 years before my husband and I got married. We have been married for 6 1/2 years and are still very much in love.

mr44 by mr44 | Newark, DE
Aug 25, 2008

My husband and I lived together before we got married. It was a very good thing in my opinion. We got to know each other on a more personal level and see how each other actually live. We've been married now for 4 years and things are still going strong.

cavc821 by cavc821 | WALLINGFORD, CT
Aug 25, 2008

I believe you should live together before marriage. I lived with my husband for two years before we got married. It was the best thing that i could do. You really don't know someone until you live with them. Thats not to say we didn't have our share of problems when we first got married. There are so many more factors once you are married- especially financial. But at least i was more prepared on how to handle them.

jvbs830 by jvbs830 | CORTLAND, NY
Aug 25, 2008

I lived with both my husbands before marriage. I do not believe it is a reliable indicator of what will happen after the wedding.

My first husband was wonderful while we were living together. After the wedding, he seemed to think I became his "possession" and became increasing abusive and possessive. We were married just over 3 years.

My second husband and I lived together about the same length of time as I did with my first husband, however, we have remained in love and respectful of each other. We've been married 11 years now, and we are happier than we were in the beginning.

daydreamer10 by daydreamer10 | Cincinnati, OH
Aug 25, 2008

I do not believe I could marry someone without living with them first. My boyfriend and I just moved in together and started from scratch - new furniture, decorations, bills, everything. Now that we live together I am learning SO much about him that after two years of dating, I had no clue about. You really get to know a person when living with them. I don't believe that just because you can live together your marriage will be perfect (as jobs, kids, and life changes in general will bring a new type of stress) but you will know enough about that person to get through the tough times.

LMC2003 by LMC2003 | Englewood, OH
Aug 25, 2008

I have lived with my boyfriend (fiance now) for the majority of our relationship. I think moving into together was a great step in our relationship. We learned to co-habitate while getting to know each other. It is true, you never know someone until you live with them, and I can't imagine not living with someone and then marrying them. I would strongly suggest that if marriage is in the cards you live together first.

stefani56 by stefani56 | lawrenceville, GA
Aug 24, 2008

I think that before you get married, you should absolutely live together first. I have dated a few people before I met my husband and decided to move in with him and I think that the minute we moved in with each other, we knew that this was how it was supposed to be. It made us totally committed to our relationship and I am glad we did it. We have kids that are coming in to the moving out stage and I tell them the exact same thing. I think that they would be doing a dis-service to themselves if they do not move in with their partner before they get married.

bentley03 by bentley03 | Cape Coral, FL
Aug 24, 2008

My fiancee and I have been together for 7 years now. We lived apart during college, then moved in together after graduation & have for the past 4 years. We have created a home with dogs, boat, RV that we love to explore the country in. I wouldn't want it any other way! We didn't get engaged til this past Feb. I know everything there is to know about him and will have no "surprises" after marriage. I think the ones who are hurt by living together before marriage are the ones who think the world will change, doves will fly and life will be grand. Ones who understand, communicate and don't "dream" after marriage will be the happiest.

wheels_03 by wheels_03 | Eau Claire, WI
Aug 24, 2008

I can say that I truly believe it is a great idea as long as there is some long term potential/commitment. I lived with my husband for 3 years before we got married, and I think it was the best decision of our lives. We learned each other's quirks and living habits, and although we knew we wanted to be with each other forever, it gave me more of a peaceful mind knowing that we were able to get a long under one roof. It made me much more confident that I had made the right decision in becoming engaged. I think it is a lot better to do live together first versus getting married, and then finding out that you can't stand living under the same roof together which can lead to getting a divorce.

msconfident by msconfident | racine, WI
Aug 24, 2008

i am in a relationship we live together we are very much in love with each other.living together is ok with me.

misstee79 by misstee79 | Stockbridge, GA
Aug 23, 2008

My Husband and I were engaged when we lived together, we got married 2 years later. I believe that this worked for us as we were able to build a household together. We bought everything and decorated together. I never feel like the house is mine or his, I feel like this is ours. Granted, we were young when we met, (21) and when we got married (25). Maybe this made us more flexible?

STONEBULLDOG by STONEBULLDOG | ALBUQUERQUE, NM
Aug 23, 2008

I believe that living together prior to marriage or in lieu of marriage is a fantastic idea. I was married for 13 very unhappy years to a man that I really didn't know. The divorce (my idea) was very ugly (his side) but I wanted out. I have been living with my True Love for the last six years and could not be happier. We have learned the good, the bad and the ugly about each other and experience growth together. I will not be married again but I am committed to my man and he to me. Committment in God's presence is, in my opinion bettter than the red tape that comes when a marriage dissolves. So... thumbs up for cohabitating!

breedenf by breedenf | Fort Bragg, NC
Aug 23, 2008

I think living together before marriage is a wonderful idea.My husband and I lived together for 2 years before getting married and we were able to learn so much about each other and work out the "not so nice things" about each other before jumping into everything.Marriage is a big thing and its suppose to be forever so I think its a great idea to live with the person before saying "I do" forever to someone you think you know all about.