Moving In Together, Is It A Good Move?

   By drodriguez  Aug 21, 2008
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Ever since people started moving in with each other before marriage, researchers have been studying the effects. Years ago the idea of an unwed couple living together made many people uncomfortable and raised quite a few eyebrows.

Today, the idea of couples cohabitating has become a lot more common. According to a report by the National Marriage Project at New Jersey's Rutgers University more than half of couples in their first marriages lived together beforehand.

Reports that came out some 20 and 25 years ago revealed negative effects of living with a significant other before marriage. The divorce rate proved to be substantially higher than those who did not live together before marriage. Researchers today believe this was due to the fact that cohabitating couples back then were considered the rebels and may have not been interested in marriage to begin with.

As living together before marriage becomes more common, the more important it is for couples to discuss this exciting next step in their relationship. A recent CNN article discusses a few important things that couples should consider before taking the plunge. First, the reason for moving in together should be understood by both partners. Decide together whether this is the next step toward marriage or you are just doing it out of convenience and financial need.

Lee Richey, a marriage and family therapist, says a couple should ask themselves if they are going to truly commit to each other's well being on every level. If the answer is no, then they should reconsider the big move. Richey also suggests couples find a new place together rather than moving into their spouses already established place of residence. This will help to make the couple feel equal ownership over the space.

What do you think of moving in with a partner before marriage?

In what ways do you think this move could benefit or hurt a committed couple?

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Salemsw by Salemsw | Millbury, MA
Aug 31, 2008

Yes I think it's great to move in together -My husband and I did and now been married for 15 years now!!

danesmom by danesmom | Adell, WI
Aug 29, 2008

I don't think living together is going to predict the future of a marriage, but I do think that it can take some pressure off of the couple in the beginning. Moving in with someone alone is a big step, and it does show you someone's true colors and quirks...while either way, if love this person those things should be easily overcome. Sometimes overcoming those quirks can cause some issues, where as you start to learn the process of problem solving that works best in your relationship. If you wait until you get married, then you have the stresses that come with being newly weds AND the stress of learning how to run a household/cohabitating. I don't think couples should move in together just because it makes things financially easier or more comfortble, I think it should be an engaged couple having full intentions of getting married or being partners forever.

nl1720 by nl1720 | New Lenox, IL
Aug 29, 2008

Speaking from personal experience, I allowed my boyfriend at the time to move in with me just about three months after we met, and of all places online through an AOL chat room! We got along great for the most part (no relationship is ever perfect) and I kicked him out one night, clothes and all in the fifth month. Within a matter of hours, I went out and bought him an engagement ring and proposed, he cried. The next month we were married and it's been ten years now this coming September 4th! I don't know if living together made a difference though because we fell in love at first sight and talked of marriage within hours of meeting each other. Kismet!!

alaina706 by alaina706 | Philadelphia, PA
Aug 29, 2008

I think moving in together before marriage is a necessary step these days. I lived with my sons father after we had him and we realized that we didn't mesh well. If we would have gotten married before hand I think that it would have been an ugly divorce and I'm glad I did things the way I did. 5 years later I am with my biyfriend of 2-1/2 years and we are now living together and I have never been happier. It's been about a year and it's great. We share the house work and chores along with all the other respondsibilites that come along with a home. We are now currently looking to purchase a house together.

granny2boyz by granny2boyz | Binghamton, NY
Aug 29, 2008

My experience has been that living together will not improve a bad relationship, but it will only strengthen a good relationship. The experience does little to enrich a marriage. My husband and I lived together for 10 years prior to marriage and found the bonds in our relationship strengthend when we married. While we were accustomed to the mundane routine of everyday life, we both felt more attached through the committment of marriage.

rurthey08 by rurthey08 | Cedar Rapids, IA
Aug 28, 2008

I just recenty moved in with my boyfriend and while it seems like we are on this heavenly vacatiion, there are things that have become bigger issues than when we were not living together. For example, its great being able to hang out whenever we want, but at the same time we have discovered little things about each other that we could tolerate before but have become annoying now. We're still happy and still play to marry next year, but I think overall this will be a very good way to still make sure we want this for the rest of our lives.

lisamarch by lisamarch | CHATHAM, IL
Aug 28, 2008

I have been married to my husband for 13 years. We lived together for 5 years prior to that. I would NEVER have married him without this commitment and experience. While we lived together, we kept bills and groceries separate (we cooked dinners together). When we married, we merged those things, and everything. I had been worried that getting married wouldn't "feel" any different than before, but it felt a lot different. While we talked marriage when we moved in together, it was not until after marriage that I felt really secure and like a team. And that was okay! I needed time to be me AND be in a life with him. He needed the same thing. We went into the marriage stronger, and more committed to each other, because we had those 5 years together first.

staceylewis_1179 by staceylewis_1179 | WATSONTOWN, PA
Aug 28, 2008

I think living together with someone is like a test period. For example, my boyfriend and I moved in together 2 years ago. Now we're finding more and more that we don't like certain things about each other. Actually we're total opposites. I'm not going to go into all the details, but I'm glad to learn all of this before we got married.

redding04 by redding04 | Jacksonville, FL
Aug 28, 2008

I completely believe in living together first, if you are going to be honest in your actions while doing so. I lived with a guy that I really thought I was going to marry. He even gave me a "promise ring" (I had to have that explained to me) and the choice to live together was mutual. After we lived together for a couple of months, it was clear that we were not meant to be together. Everything just fell apart and we quickly grew to dislike each other and the way we lived. If I had not lived with this guy first, I would be a divorcee now. The next time I dated a guy that I thought I would marry, we lived together first. We got engaged a year later and then married a year after that. We have now been married for almost 11 years and couldn't be happier!

Divinegirl05 by Divinegirl05 | Charleston, SC
Aug 28, 2008

I think its a good idea. I lived with my husband for one and half year before we got married. I now know what to expect of him and what I expect of him. The first year was an intro to us. As the months past we enjoy living together. Working about problems as adults is best to prevent problems.

sara322 by sara322 | HUDSON, NH
Aug 28, 2008

I personally wouldn't live with someone unless we were engaged and had set a date. I think that if you live together, it's easy to get comfortable in a situation and marriage will be delayed. I guess I'm not willing to cook, clean and keep a house for my boyfriend where there's no real committment. I would be more than willing to do all those things and more for my husband. That being said, I think that it's a good idea to live with your fiance before the wedding, that way you can make sure that you are really compatible.

ecent05 by ecent05 | Roseville, MI
Aug 28, 2008

I think it is a good idea to live with each other before marriage. Moving in with each other too soon could be disastrous though. Once the relationship has passed its "new" phase and the butterflies are gone, and you really intend on spending the rest of your lives together, than I think it's a good idea. I've only been married since April, but my husband and I have been together for 7 years, living together for 5. People can be completely different when you live with them. You see a totally different side. I think this gives you the opportunity to decide whether you like that different side and whether you can live with that for the rest of your life.

tokeniso by tokeniso | Toms River, NJ
Aug 28, 2008

Not a good idea people need to commit

meggey1979 by meggey1979 | Daytona Beach, FL
Aug 27, 2008

I have been in 3 long term relationships, all of which I ended up living with my guy. All 3 ended and I now know that the mistake I made was moving too fast. The reason I lived w/ all 3 was due to the fact that we stayed together, at one or the others house, every night. It was almost a financial benefit. I don't want to sound old fashioned but if he is going to get everything he wants by living with me, why marry me? All 3 relationships ended because he was too comfortable with the way things were. Well guess what, 2 of those 3 guys ended up marrying the next woman they dated. Coincidence, maybe....is it me, maybe (hopefully not).... I will not move in with a guy again until we are at least engaged. I now believe in two different households.

galwaywren by galwaywren | Pella, IA
Aug 27, 2008

I lived with my first husband for one year before we got married. We were married for 23 years. The problems that caused the divorce were not present when we were living together, so I do not think that it made a difference on the outcome.

I have been dating someone for 18 months and we both have our own homes, we spend a lot of time together but this also allows time apart when we need it. I do not plan on ever getting married again, so this arrangement works out well for both of us. We are both "committed" to each other, but we have both been previously married and do not want to do it again.