Deciding to call it quits on a long term relationship can be a devastatingly difficult transition for both parties involved, but when you add kids into the mix breaking ties can make it that much worse.
It is especially hard for couples when the child is from a previous relationship but has formed a close bond with the new partner. As painful as it may seem, for many people it makes more sense to cut off all ties with an ex if they are not the biological father rather than have them coming in and out of the child’s life.
This very scenario seems to be what exes Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy are struggling with now. While the couple were together for five years, it was widely known that her autistic son Evan became very close to Carrey, perhaps thinking of him as a father.
TMZ reports that McCarthy recently spoke up on the Howard Stern show about her disapproval of the way Carrey stepped out of Evan’s life for good when they broke up. McCarthy said, “I've tried to ask [Jim] numerous times [to see Evan], because my son still asks.”
In return, Carrey responded to her remarks saying “I will always do what I believe is in the best interest of Evan's well being. It's unfortunate that Evan's privacy is not being considered. I love Evan very much and will miss him always.”
In McCarthy's case it sounds as though she would have preferred if Carrey stayed in her son's life even though they are broken up and have both moved on. In other instances, maybe an ex still wants to spend time with the kids but has been asked by the mom to walk away for good
What do you think couples who are breaking up should do when they are faced with this difficult decision?
Do you think allowing an ex-boyfriend to visit with your kids would do more harm than good in the long run?
Visits here and there are okay until has figured out their feelings. Cutting the attachment cold turkey doesnt do the child any good. Marriage or not, think beyond yourself and put your kids first. My ex has a son I raised. When we split up the son was at his mother's. She made it more difficult on him than anyone else with how she talked and acted. The ex and I would let the kids play at either one of our homes over the weekend. That way, they still got to see the other parent and siblings but didn't have to deal with any drama or frustration. It worked out so much easier. Ripping a child away causes more hurt. If the other party is willing to be a part of the child's life then let them. There's no point in staying in a caustic and detrimental relationship.
Sex before marriage is irresponsible. Something as big as starting a family needs boundaries. Marriage provides that. Get married and stay married. That's the responsible thing to do. If you don't like your marriage then you've just learned a very valuable lesson-- to think before you commit. But you shouldn't make an addition bad choice on top of the first one by getting a divorce. Divorce= Double Fail. Especially if you have kids. Kids need a stable environment where they can feel secure. Take that away, and all kinds of messiness happens. Relationships are messy enough without divorce.
I honestly believe that a ex needs to walk away because that's going to cause more harm for both the child and the two people involved. Just say your good byes and tell the child it isn't their fault. Make sure they understand then don't turn back. I know it sounds harsh but it's the right thing to do.
If my child and an ex had a very good relationship I would want them to keep in touch at least for a time. I think it is hard on children when they form an attachment to someone and it is just cut short. A visit weekly or monthly taking them to lunch etc. until the ties fade would be the best thing I think.