Are Separate Bank Accounts Right for Your Marriage?

SS Member Image By divinecaroline 04.29.11
Are Separate Bank Accounts Right for Your Marriage?
Share Tweet

A generation ago, couples merged their finances as soon as they merged households. Today, married people’s financial affairs aren’t so simple. A 2005 survey conducted by the Raddon Financial Group and reported in the Wall Street Journal found that 48 percent of married couples have two or more checking accounts between them, an 11 percent increase from just four years earlier. 

As couples marry later in life and enter their union with more money, more assets, more liabilities, and more drama, they become increasingly unwilling to pool all their resources in joint savings and checking accounts. They look at separate accounts as a way to maintain their emotional and financial independence. 

Many marriage counselors and financial planners view learning to navigate money together as a crucial step in becoming a functioning couple, so even couples that are adamant about controlling their own spending money can benefit from certain types of shared accounts. There are also some situations that do warrant keeping some money separate, and for folks in these special circumstances, individual accounts are a must. 

Yours, Mine, and Ours
Most financial consultants advise that while it’s okay to use separate accounts for day-to-day spending, it’s highly beneficial to keep some resources pooled. “A joint account for clearly defined joint living expenses is useful and even advisable,” says Melinda Donovan, senior vice president and trust officer at Cambridge Trust Company in Cambridge, Massachusetts. She recommends that once the couple has tallied up the total amount of money required to run their household each month, each partner should contribute an equal percentage of his or her income to a joint account that’s used to pay mortgage and car payments, property taxes, utilities, groceries, and other shared expenses. Having these payments come from a single account makes it easier to track the expenses and also naturally encourages couples to have regular check-ins about their finances. If a couple is saving for a vacation, a new car, a home renovation, or another big project, keeping an additional joint account expressly for that purpose, with each partner contributing an equal percentage, is another good idea. “A joint account for saving for a mutual project or dream can be inspiring and build a sense of teamwork,” Donovan says.

Of course, joint accounts require that couples disclose their financial habits and follow spending guidelines, which some people find difficult. If one partner is relegated to being the “chief financial officer” of the relationship, it could cause strife if the other partner feels left out. It also diminishes privacy, which could cause irritation if one partner feels interrogated about every purchase he or she makes.

“Separate finances and bank accounts give each a sense of independence and autonomy that can be very healthy,” says Donovan. “Bookkeeping and knowing what you have are easier when you are the only one pulling on the account.” If you balance your checkbook but your spouse doesn’t, you’re not subject to her laxity. If you’re a saver and he’s a spender, separate accounts mean that you don’t have to look over his shoulder and monitor the marital pool of money. But while separate accounts foster independence, they don’t encourage couples to actually work on or resolve their differences about handling money, and the hands-off approach can backfire if one partner is overspending or acting foolishly and the other has no way of knowing that.

Yo’ Money, Yo’ Problems
 “Separate finances and bank accounts give each a sense of independence and autonomy that can be very healthy,” says Donovan. “Bookkeeping and knowing what you have are easier when you are the only one pulling on the account.” If you balance your checkbook but your spouse doesn’t, you’re not subject to her laxity. If you’re a saver and he’s a spender, separate accounts mean that you don’t have to look over his shoulder and monitor the marital pool of money. But while separate accounts foster independence, they don’t encourage couples to actually work on or resolve their differences about handling money, and the hands-off approach can backfire if one partner is overspending or acting foolishly and the other has no way of knowing that.

If partners have serious disagreements about managing money and finances, that can indicate a deeper problem in the relationship. “In these cases, mediation may be necessary?either financial or psychological?because it can cause too much strain and end up breaking a relationship,” says Donovan. “Coming to a set of common guidelines that both agree by live by is essential.” Even couples with separate accounts must agree to follow similar spending and saving patterns, so that when unexpected expenses, like home repair or travel, arise, both parties can still contribute equally.

When to Keep ’Em Separated

Even if a couple is ready and willing to merge all their finances, there are some situations that call for keeping at least some funds separate. 

  • If one spouse is paying alimony or child support. “One partner supporting a former spouse or children should definitely maintain an account separate from the current partner and their shared life,” says Donovan. Although this doesn’t preclude sharing a checking account with the current spouse, the separate account makes it easier to track expenses and obligations for the former family.
  • If one partner has poor credit or is paying down debt. Few people enter marriage without at least a little financial baggage, but if one partner has serious black marks on his record?bankruptcy, foreclosure, overdue student loans?it is wiser to make payments from a personal checking account.
  • If one partner receives an inheritance. “No matter how much anyone loves their son- or daughter-in-law, they want Grandpa’s largesse to belong to Grandpa’s descendant,” says Donovan. That person can put the money toward joint interests, such as a home purchase or a child’s college fund, but it should be held and managed by the person who inherits it. 

“Money has a big impact on relationships, regardless of the amount of it,” says Donovan. “Maturity, mutual understanding of finances, and similar backgrounds can help a lot in dealing with the vagaries of love and money.” The most common arrangement is to keep separate accounts for personal expenses, like shopping and lunches with friends, while maintaining joint savings and checking accounts for shared expenses. This method offers couples the privacy and autonomy of managing their own small purchases while still being accountable for accumulating wealth for the future. Having separate bank accounts doesn’t reflect a lack of commitment to the marriage; it reflects the reality that money is messy, and there’s no such thing as a one-size-fits-all approach to managing it.

 


 

 

Make a Comment

Comment  *
 
 
  • sunnieLUVS By sunnieLUVS
    06.04.11  

    My husband and I have a shared bank account. We don't have many problems other then when he doesn't ask how much is in the bank and buys random stupid stuff. My husbands the only one that works but he would more than likely go under all the time if I wasn't there to tell him how much he can and can not use because he never looks at the check book or the bank to see how much is left. He wouldn't understand a check book even if I gave him one and he would always be late on bills because he always forgets when they are due. I'm the one balancing out the check book and paying bills so he usually listens to what I have to say about spending money even though I don't make any income. It would just be weird if we had two different accounts. I think couples who use different accounts are a little stingy and insecure of their partner.

  • jandshyne By jandshyne
    05.23.11  

    I have considered this a few times because my husband is an impulse spender and has caused us a few problems. Then I found out our good friends did this for the same reason. After hearing them discuss who's paying for what and who paid more for what and who did X with their money for the kids while the other didn't. I say no way. Instead I sought out a financial consultant to help me teach my husband that impulse purchases aren't such a great idea and if you sleep on them for a day or two they're not going anywhere and you may find they're not necessary after all.

  • CAE1982 By CAE1982
    05.12.11  

    I think couples should do what works for them. It might work one way for one couple and another way for someone else. Under Florida law, it really does not matter who's money is who's because it is both of your money. But again it depends on what state you live in.

  • jay-cee66 By jay-cee66
    05.06.11  

    your mine and ours works wonderfully!! We love it!!

  • Leisha By Leisha
    05.06.11  

    I had a husband like jenkoj for 20 yrs and it sucked! We tried every which way and because he was a selfish alcoholic nothing ever worked for us. If I ever remarry, I dont know which way I would want to go but I do believe that every woman should have her own account and some of her own money! We should never be dependent on a man!

  • jenkoj By jenkoj
    05.06.11  

    I think it is rediculous to have separate accounts. My husband is the opposite. This comes from of course a greedy man. I hate having to depend on him to give me his 1/2 of the bill money. He makes more than I do so of course I have nothing left out of my paycheck to play around with and he does.

  • jsoohoo By jsoohoo
    05.06.11  

    We have yours and mine which works for us. I was married previously so having my own accounts was important. Except when I gave him my $68K to invest. It went into his account, which does have my name on it but I consider it his. Now he says that my money went into funding our daughter's account over the years which is OK. ;) Since investing bores me, he manages the accounts. We take turns paying the mortgage, insurance, etc.; I mostly pay for the groceries and he mostly pays when we go out.

  • djohn64 By djohn64
    05.05.11  

    We have ours. We have been married for 29 yrs, this method has all ways worked for us.

  • Mommanet By Mommanet
    05.04.11  

    we also have yours, mine and ours acct; works very well for us.

  • justonechick By justonechick
    05.02.11  

    We have the yours, mine and ours and it works very well as we discuss major purchases together and everything else, we just buy because we can.

  • moldyoranges By moldyoranges
    05.02.11  

    Well, Im not married but I have been on a bank account with a boyfriend and let me say BAD IDEA all around! He was taking my money out, spending it, over drawing the account, I had a heck of a time getting my name off that account. As of right now when I get married, I'm leaning at your's, mine and ours...

  • craner1 By craner1
    05.01.11  

    My husband isn't crazy about the yours and mine, he prefers the "ours". We have 2 accounts, a joint personal one that he up keeps and then there is the business account I up keep.

  • lancelin By lancelin
    04.30.11  

    We tried the ours and that did not work out so now it's yours and mine and that's good too.

  • Jackic By Jackic
    04.30.11  

    My husband likes the yours mine and ours approach. I honestly believe a woman should have a little something for herself for time of emergencies.

  • LifebyCynthia By LifebyCynthia
    04.29.11  

    We use the "Yours, Mine, and Ours" approach which works out well for us.

More stories like this