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  Dating

nursejulz


 
 
What should I do?
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on Dec 04, 2011 (Read 3015 times | Comments: 21)
I have been in a relationship with this guy for 8 years. We have one child together. We have moved to FL and honestly I did this move for him. I am not happy here and want to go back to where my family is. Our relationship is far from stable. He has cheated on me and I have on him. Our list of dirt to each other is LONG! But some how we try to make it work. So here is my question, he never says he loves me (says it daily to our child) , we were engaged and he changed his mind saying he could never marry me, has called me his sons whore mother to his friends...list goes on. This is my question...I want to leave but if I do, I lose everything including a car since its in his name. He has a violent past and I am afraid of what he will do. If I stay, I am miserable. I can literally feel myself drifting away. i believe deep down inside that I am a great woman who needs to be single and find herself, what I need from you is some ideas to get out of this situation, feel free to ask me anythin
yukaSaur
yukaSaur
on Dec 06, 2011 Quote  »     Reply  »

If you're still in good terms with your family or friends, ask for their help. Have them drive to you and take you away from this situation. Who cares about the materialistic thing, you need to have someone who is better in every way that man is not.
bluegemini10
bluegemini10
on Dec 11, 2011 Quote  »     Reply  »

I would go back if I were you, I mean you should really talk about it and if you really love him and if he really loves you he might be considering moving back to where your family is, but if he doesn't see your side of the situation i would go back to my family, I hope you choose very wisely. We're always going to have obstacles in our life, and I hope you over come yours.
allsmiles77
allsmiles77
on Dec 12, 2011 Quote  »     Reply  »

PLEASE get out NOW! From reading your post, it is clear that he has taken EVERYTHING away from you..most importantly, your self-esteem. I am speaking from experience, right down to moving to another state with him. You have no support there. Get back to people who love you and will be there for you. It will be hard but you have to take the first step....and don't look back. I myself rented a Budget truck while he was at work (my Dad and a friend wired me the money), called and ordered a pizza for delivery, and when the pizza came I asked the nice young man to help me load the heavy things (since I had no friends or support there). When you get back on your feet, you will look back at this time in your life and ask yourself...What was I thinking? I pray for you to make the right decision and to have the strength to make it through.
LISA2699
LISA2699
on Dec 21, 2011 Quote  »     Reply  »

I hope that you are okay and that you are no longer in FL.
Angie86
Angie86
on Dec 21, 2011 Quote  »     Reply  »

If I were you I would leave while you have your family to help you! If you are unhappy and (he sounds controlling) you should get out while you can. You can get on your feet without him- you don't deserve to be abused just becaue everything is in his name... It's better for the saftey and wellbeing of your child too!!
raynekitten
raynekitten
on Dec 23, 2011 Quote  »     Reply  »

I would speak to family and look to see what resources are in your area can help you.
CampbellSm02
CampbellSm02
on Dec 28, 2011 Quote  »     Reply  »

I have been in this situation before, and it is very very hard. Others who have not been in the situation will never understand. I didn't until I was in the middle of it. People ask "why did she stay?" when really the question is "why COULDN'T she leave?" You have to make the decision to leave, by yourself. You have to be committed to it. Talk to friends or family if you can. (I don't mean that offensively but men like this, their first thing is to cut everyone out of your life until you have no one to turn to.) If they can help you, great. If they can't or won't help you, you can find a womens shelter or domestic abuse hotline in your area. Domestic abuse DOES NOT have to be by a spouse and DOES NOT mean only physical abuse. There is mental, sexual, emotional, etc. They WILL understand. If you are worried he will find out your plans, go to the doctor or take your son. Act like it's a normal check up. When you get in the room, ask your doctor for help. Good luck!
shelwoy
shelwoy
on Dec 28, 2011 Quote  »     Reply  »

The most important part of this is what is best for your child. How you live directly affects your children, so if the home life is a mess you run the risk of it having a lasting impact on the child. If you leave, it affects your child. I do not know your partner, but as you said- you both cheated on each other so it is unfair to pass judgement on him. You also said you are afraid of what he will do because he has a violent past. Did you know this when you moved to FLA? I am just mentioning it because you took the greatest risk by leaving everything familiar to you to have a life with him, why? Something must have made you feel safe about it, otherwise you would not have left home. Try discussing the situation. It is obvious you are both unhappy which is not helping the child. If he loves the child as he expresses, he will know staying together does more harm than good. If he is a good father, do not deny him the right to love him/her.Remember-Do what's best for your child
tori20
tori20
on Feb 01, 2012 Quote  »     Reply  »

This sounds like my friend. Make a Plan now. Start secretly taking small amounts from the grocery money. Use coupons and pocket the dollar savings. Instead of buying yourself a Starbucks keep the cash. Small amounts really do add up. Open a private checking account. Your name only. (and a possible sister or mother on the account as well) Open a P.O. Box so that the statements made be mailed to the box. Contact a local shelter first so that you have a place to stay. Make sure you inform your family of what is going to happen. Based upon a violent past, seek a restraining order once you are safe at a shelter. The shelter will have counselors that will guide with making healthy decisions. Also make an Appt. with your Physician and tell them about your situation. Best of luck.
Becca57
Becca57
on Mar 06, 2012 Quote  »     Reply  »

Family will always be there for you! Guys? Well, sometimes that is questionable. Do not keep harming each other, especially since there is a child between the two of you. Come to common terms on custody of the child, then peacefully as possible, go your seperate ways.
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