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Grandparents
GrandmaV
Grandma with experience
on Feb 17, 2011
(Read 1207 times | Comments: 15)
Hello everyone. I am new to SheSpeaks but certainly not new to the different stages a woman goes through in her life. I have been married 33 years, 34 in June. I was 18 years old on the day of my wedding! Somehow, we have managed to stay together, through raising two children, moving 6 times, having grown children move back in with us, providing care for our 8 year old granddaughter since birth, job loss, traumatic events, menopause and various other life events and disasters! I come from a large family and am the 7th child of 8 that my parents had. I have two beautiful grandchildren now, an 8 year old granddaughter and a 6 month old grandson. They are what life is all about, in my opinion. I adored my children as I was raising them, but grandchildren seem to be a more rewarding experience. I have almost 40 years of experience with child care and I am currently providing care for my 2 1/2 yr. old great niece. If anyone needs any advice on parenting/grandparenting, I can help. GrandmaV
natikaal
on Mar 20, 2011
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Goodness, how much experience in boys? I have 5, and used to know just what to do, but life changes and overwhelms- and now I'm lost. I thought that this was supposed to get easier. I mean, it is when I only have two or three of them. The problem isn't so much that I'm lost on what SHOULD happen on a daily basis, it's getting our lives back to should from out of control. We've had so many upheavals in the last few (ok, several) years that I find myself wondering if any of us will ever recover. Do you know how to return them/us to normal? I've been trying and am at a loss. It's mostly that everyone is always angry and fighting. There's no time to deal with one fight before another breaks out. The screaming at eachother, asuming that's the way to be heard. The discouragement. It's really hard for my husband and myself to keep our composure with all of this going on. I really wish that we had some older family members to guide us, but when we're around them, they tend to make it worse.
busymom4kc
on May 04, 2011
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You and your husband sit down and make some general household rules w/consequences for both good and bad behavior. It's amazing what happens when you can reward good behavior over naughty. Make a chart w/those rules and consequences then have a family meeting. Find a mat, chair or pillow for each child to sit on Find an object (basketball, feather, pr of socks whatever) and the child holding that is the only child allowed to speak. Give each child a chance to bring up ONE subject that means the most to them. Ask questions pertinent to that issue. It will be up to you to keep the peace. After each child has been given a chance to voice their issues then it's up to you and your husband to present the chart(s) and voice your issues. (NOTE: behaviors can include temper, homework, chores). It won't be easy but w/in a few wks you should be a little less crazed out. Good luck. I'll be praying for you.
RachelFerrucci
on May 14, 2011
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GrandmaV- wow- you are very inspiring! I'm a new grandma, I have a 9 month grandson and I am so in love with this boy. It's amazing to see your child become a parent and I can't wait to have more grandchildren! Natikaal- I agree with busymom4kc, you have to structure your days. It will be hard at first but once they see your serious they'll start joining in. The most important thing is to have your husband back you. You two need to be on the same page, one can't give in. Don't expect them never to argue though, that's a part of being a sibling.
Nightsleeper
on May 18, 2011
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Welcome. I'm fairly new here too, still learning the ropes. It has been fun so far. I'm a mother of 3 daughters and grandmother of 2 boys and 2 girls.
ajhenloc
on Jun 07, 2011
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I have heard it said that your children are taking their lead from you. I am sure you are feeling lost and out of control. Even without the intention of effecting the children they pick up on even the slightest nuance or change. They have been infected with fear and would benefit from one to one reassurance that their lives can go back to "normal" if you can get them to understand that it is also "normal" for household and life upheavals from time to time but survival and moving ahead depends on you all being positive and working together in love and friendship. Hope this helps in some small way.
my3sons220
on Jun 19, 2011
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Children sure do what they see, they hear screaming they scream, they see hitting they hit and so on, A mother of 3 boys, 3 grandsons and 2 granddaughters I see this to many times, You really do need a sit down with your sons and only one person speaks at a time and give them all something extra to do ie; sports, chores whatever it may be, just keep them busy. good luck
AnnSheSpeaks
on Oct 04, 2011
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natikaal, I have felt the same way and I only have three boys but its a lot for me to handle. There were times I felt like I was spinning out of control. The constant wrestling and chasing that turns to fighting. In the winter months it is too much to bear! I grew up in a house where my parents yelled a lot and it was natural for me to do the same. Then I had a neighbor yell at me once through the yard. I was humiliated and mortified but a small part of me felt ashamed that I wasn't doing better as a mom - keeping calm and in control, that is. So I did the only thing I know to do when I feel lost - PRAY! I googled a mother's prayer and found one that I like, printed it out, taped it to the inside of my kitchen cupboard and I read it often. I also told my kids that I will not hit them anymore (it was a swat on the butt before, nothing more) and haven't. This requires a lot of strength and has been a big challenge for me, but I like a challenge! And I try really hard not to...
AnnSheSpeaks
on Oct 04, 2011
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...yell anymore. I don't always succeed, but I have gotten much better about it. What helps me in the moment is to breathe deeply and think first before reacting!! If I can remember when I get home I'll send you an email with the prayer I found that I have in my kitchen. Its non-denominational so hopefully others might find it brings them a sense of peace too.
Mimis3bs
on Oct 05, 2011
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GrandmaV, I feel like you just posted my life. I read this and found myself shaking my head YEAH to just about everything. My husband and I have been married 34 yrs. this May. I have three grandsons that I absolutely adore and watch them regularly so their mom can be a full time RN. I had a completely different outlook when raising my two girls than I do with my grandchildren. There's just something unexplainable about the joy that comes from having grandchildren, maybe it's just less stress. The fact that everything doesn't have to be so perfect, that most issues take care of themselves and those that are more important do work out for the best. Just enjoying the boys, not majoring on minor issues. I most admit though a lot of this comes from their mom raising them well. It has made it easier on me. :) I was a preschool teacher for 8 yrs and learned a great deal from that too. If I could offer any advice to help someone out, I would love to do that.
SantaLucia
on Dec 31, 2011
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I have two grown children and seven grandchildren. My husband and I have been married over 40 years. Through the up and downs of raising our children, I found that the word "no" works. To children "maybe" means yes. I never felt that I had to explain myself. Kids know from a very young age how to get around their parents or who is the parent most likely to give in. I can remember giving my husband the "look" when the kids went to him. when I already said no. They are grown now, with families of their own. Even though my oldest daughter swore that she would be easy on her children, she's not. She expects the same from her young children as I did from her. Respectful of their family and others, good grades, volunteer in the community. Both are great moms and like my husband and me, enjoy having all their kids friends at their home anytime.
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