Do you tend to have a hard time going to bed when you know there is a sink full of dishes waiting for you in the morning or maybe you feel guilty going out for dinner and leaving the kids with a sitter more than once a month?
Boston psychologist Alice Domar believes these are traits most often found in women and can be described as perfectionism. Domar recently gave an interview to Time magazine where she discussed patients she has seen that have these traits as well as similar ones like having a hard time finishing projects at work because they never seem good enough to be complete.
In the interview Domar discusses her new book Be Happy Without Being Perfect aimed to help women accept imperfections in their life with a smile. “Women are unhappy because, even if 11 out of 12 things are going well, they zero in on the one that isn’t, and they get miserable about it,” says Domar.
In a work setting perfectionism can be especially harmful as Domar explains, “if your boss on a Monday asks you to do five tasks by Friday, and you spend until Friday morning getting the first task done perfect and can’t get to the other four tasks, how happy do you think your boss is going to be?”
Domar’s reasoning for why women have perfectionist personalities more than men is that women multitask more and try to be good at more things on a daily basis. She cites a study that found men on average worry about 3 things every day, whereas women generally worry about 12 things every day. With more on our minds Domar believes it makes it easier for us to become neurotic about things like dishes and work projects.
What do you think of Alice Domar’s belief that women tend to be perfectionists?
Do you find yourself fretting over the small stuff when it isn’t done just perfect?
My best friend is that to a T! I'm trying desperately to cure her of it (lol)! My feeling is that no matter how much you dust,vacuum, scrub,etc., it's only going to return tomorrow. So,I clean, but I don't kill myself. I spend the time that I would have been doing ANOTHER chore, laughing and playing with my grandchildren. She's got high blood pressure, ulcers, bags under her eyes. I've got laugh lines. Take it from me,enjoy it NOW, while you CAN!
Indigoblue::
on Jul 14, 2008
I think there is so much expected of women now--raise the kids--dash to work--dash home--throw dinner on the table...long ago there were no appliances--dishwashers-sweepers...but life was slower...it wasn't expected that life was to be perfect...now we live sometimes separated by thousands of miles from our families...at times trying desperately to impress new friends that we are worthy of their love and attention....never measuring up to the glossy covers of magazines. Men emotionally disconnect--they have to have down time when they get in the house...women are expected to jump up at 3 am for any and every emergency...it takes its toll on your mindset...being obessively clean or even giving up altogether on cleaning is your being refusing to give any more until your soul/mind/body are healed and happy...
In truth life is horribly short...beautiful children grow up and leave to live their own lives...being peaceful-happy and centered should be the main task of every woman...that and understanding--you are not a cleaning woman--you are beautiful just as you are--imperfectly perfect
airforcebrat::
on Aug 17, 2008
I'm a perfectionist and multitasker. Our kids are grown and gone from home and I really thought it would be easier and better. NOT. I've learned multitasking gets nothing done, so I do one thing at a time till it's done, then move on. I've learned I like my home organized and neat, but if it isn't sparkling the world will not end because of it. When my grandkids are here and make a mess, I've learned to join in and make a mess with them. When they leave I clean it up or they help clean it up. I used to make a "daily" list of things to do. I no longer make that list because I could never get it done and that stressed me too much. I tend to set goals for myself at an unattainable height, then get frustrated because I couldn't meet them. I no longer make lists, I no longer make impossible goals. I'm soooo much happier now and family and friends notice. What they don't notice is "my house"!! Too bad it took me this long to realize it.
