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Parenting Without A Paddle
Posted May 14, 2008

Parenting Without A PaddleOne of the most heated debates among parents today is the idea of spanking a child as a way of disciplining them. Some do it because it is what was done to them and some don’t do it for that very same reason.

A recent article by Claudia Kalb in Newsweek tackles the debate with new evidence that spanking children may lead to problems down the road. Kalb cites a research paper written by co-director of the Family Research Laboratory at the University of New Hampshire’s Murray Strauss.

Strauss asserts that spanking kids increases risks of sexual problems as adults. One statistic says that 25 percent of college students whose parents used corporal punishment were more likely to have unprotected sex. This statistic is reduced by half in students who were rarely or never spanked. Strauss reported to Newsweek concerning these numbers by saying, “It’s consistent with so many other studies showing harmful side effects.”

One human development researcher that disagrees with Strauss’s study is Robert Larzlere. He believes that “conditional” or “back-up” spanking of children ages 2 to 6 can be helpful. Larzlere warns that the spanking must be nonabusive (a couple of open-hand swats from a calm parent) and must be used as a back-up to things like timeouts and reasoning. Larzlere believes the key to using spanking as a disciplinary method is for parents to be able to discriminate between “inappropriate and appropriate use.”

Researcher Elizabeth Gershoff on the other hand is in agreement with Strauss’s latest study. Gershoff has been studying side effects of spanking in children for quite some times and states, “The more children are spanked, the more aggressive they are and the more likely they are to engage in delinquent or at-risk behavior.” Gershoff believes the side effects go beyond those of a sexual nature saying that children learn from being spanked that a person must use aggression to get their way.

What do you think of the latest research that spanking can have problematic side effects later in life?

37 Comments
covergrl77 says: on May 14, 2008
I agree that a swat or hand smack to reinforce for a 2-6 year old is helpful but beyond that I don't think spanking is the answer to anything. It encourages aggressive behavior of the parent and child. Parents need to remain calm and in control as much as possible.
minhivan says: on May 14, 2008
I think it is how you spank a child. I have two younger brothers. When one of us got in trouble - all three got into trouble. It helped to reinforce the idea that the accountability of each other's actions. (if that made sense) We kept each other in check to avoid getting into trouble. My parents would make us lay down on the floor and spank with the handle of the duster. Yea it hurt. Yes it was painful. No I wouldn't recommend it, but my parents were by no means abusive. Most of the time it would only be a swing or two, usually because they would ask a question and we didn't answer. A little like getting pulled over by the highway patrol: "license & registration please - do you know why I pulled you over?" I don't think the officer would like it if you just stared at him/her blankly. I think there are many parents out there who don't know the proper way of raising kids, spoil them too much and expect miracle changes and perhaps due to personal chaos - take it out on the children through abuse. I don't have children of my own (yet) but I do have many friends who do have children. I do believe that time-outs work, but I don't believe that spanking is awful or causes "risks of sexual problems" as the article states. I graduated high school a whole year early. Graduated from college with a bachelors and so did my brother. The baby of the family now 20, didn't get it as much as me and my other sibling, but we all turned out "not too shabby" I would have to say. No one is perfect. I think there HAS to be communication and balance. Don't just go swinging your palm or fist or the handle of a duster. There's a fine line between spanking and abuse... and I think many people don't know it, so they cross it.
pastorchuckieswife says: on May 15, 2008
Thats whats wrong with our world now, no reaction to what kids do. Sure kid do whatever you want, I as your parent have no rights to raise you with an discipline. "Spare the rod spoil the child." So lets just lay down and let the schools, and the government raise our kids huh! I was spanked as a child and I did not have sex before marriage! Spanking is not the answer to everything but come on people wake up if you can't disipline your kids why have them? How are they going to learn without boundaries? Can you go to work whenever you want and keep your job? Conseqences are a part of life!
kirstensapphire says: on May 15, 2008
I was spanked a lot when I was young child, but I never turned out promiscuous or abusive. As a matter of fact I'm chaste and rather conservative. I really do not think spanking children leads to sexual or abuse problems as adults. I'am walking proof of that!
doublejs513127 says: on May 15, 2008
I have to say that I agree with spanking your child if done in the appropriate way. I was spanked as a child and I have not had any sexual issues nor have I been abusive as an adult!! I wish sometimes that things would just go back to the ways and the days of when we were children and when our parents were children. Things seemed so much easier then and parents could actually raise their children to be respectful adults without the fear of someone stepping in and yelling CHILD ABUSE because a child got swatted on the hind end for something they did wrong. My children are now 17 and 14 and both of them as small boys got swatted on the hind part when needed. And now both of them have turned out to be respectful, they have good manners, and are very happy.
Lusadi says: on May 18, 2008
I think spanking, done appropriately, has its place in the discipline toolbox. It should not be the answer every time. The most effective punishment is the one that the child is going to remember the next time they go to commit the same offense.
Mizzes says: on May 19, 2008
I agree, I wasn't promicsuous and have sexual issues as an adult and was spanked A LOT.

I think it's funny how they have "new evidence" on spanking...

Who are they actually interviewing? The demographics and all?

Nowadays, the kids need it because this non-spanking, non-discipline of the kids-that's why there behavior is awful now!

You didn't hear or see bad kids like you do these days because we knew if we acted out, there was a spanking waiting for us when we got home.

Spare the rod, spoil the child.
mking22 says: on May 20, 2008
I agree with Mizzes. I was spanked and don't have sexual issues and wasn't promiscuous. I also never lied again after I got spanked for it. Not quite sure who they are interviewing?

Each to his own though.
Coco8 says: on May 20, 2008
I have only been spanked maybe once or twice because my mom said I did nothing wrong but the brother and sister did and they turned out alright.I think that there are times when a child is in need of a spanking but I also feel that there are other alternatives such as : restriction to certain activities or playtime or even taking away treats that they really like.
MisBB33 says: on May 23, 2008
I belive theres a fine line between a spaking and beating. If a parent can limit them selves and know the limit it can be usefull tool in our dicpline toolbox.
dawn80 says: on May 24, 2008
My boys are 2 and 8 years old and I have twins on the way. I spanked my 8 yr old when he was 6ish and have recently as well but he rarely does anything that would warrant it. My two year old occasionally get a small tap on his still diapered rear and even though it doesn't hurt it's enough to let him know he did something really wrong, like biting his brother. I was spanked as a child and it kept me accountable and honest and rarely did I disrespect authority, and NO I have NOT had sexual issues or deviant behavior. I sometimes think these "researchers" do all their research in prisons and other correctional facilities, then say 45% have serious problems while the other 55% are just not contributing members of society. I just have one thing to say about all this ... Thank you Mom for not letting me get away with bad behavior and keeping me accountable. The discipline I learned from you helped me obtain a Masters degree and become a mom that loves her kids enough to know that without discipline children will lack the guidance they need to get through life.
IllCUATDSTARS says: on May 26, 2008
I do believe this to be true , now by rerading this.....I was sexually active since 13.

MY parents forced me to go to church , their phyolosophy was spare the rod spoil the kid......

I do not spank my own children for this very reason.
JoeyWallace1978 says: on May 26, 2008
I DONT SPANK MY KIDS AT ALL!
SeaBean says: on May 27, 2008
I don't know how inter-related things are, but I was spanked and I was also sexually active at a young age (which looking back, I regret). I felt distanced from my parents. They also spanked my brother (with a belt sometimes!) and he is now overweight. That body style does not run in our family..everyone else is average or thin. I think the spanking contributed to it. You would never hit another adult you disagree with! Why would you use force with a little child? I've just read Mac Bledsoe's book, "Parenting with Dignity" and it details many responses to toddlers that don't use spanking or yelling. I don't hit my DOGS! I trained them with positive reinforcement (clicker training).
sn0fl8k3 says: on May 28, 2008
I really don't see how being sexually active, or unprotective sex has anything to do with spanking when they were children. I think its just an excuse, people use. Like I was spanked so that's why I did bad things. It dont' feel like its related at all. I have 2 sisters, both with different parenting technique's. I feel like its the delivery of the punishment, you have to be calm and non agressive. Not angry and out of control. Because 1 sister spanks, and her kids are aweful, spoiled ect. and the other sister doesn't, and her kids are not little terrors like the other two. But then again one set is boy and the other girl
josie_mommyof2 says: on May 28, 2008
I personally think that some of these researchers are "grasping at straws". For me, I was beat down as a child! Not just a hand smack on the fanny, but, we're talking a belt, that would sometimes slip out of my fathers hand and I would be beaten with the buckle. This did not make me aggressive, abusive or to have sexual issues. The only thing this taught me, was how not to be towards my own children and it taught me that if I don't learn forgiveness, then I will never get anywhere! Not sexual issues! Like I said, "grasping at straws".
debi_123 says: on May 29, 2008
Umm Spare the rod spoil the child does not mean to spank more it is speaking of the bible you need to read the scriptures more often. Do you know the prayer Thy Rod and thy Staff Comforts Me. That does not say his belt and staff comforts me. Does it??? I can say that I think I spanked my child twice. One time out of shear terror when she ran out in traffic it was an idiotic reaction. I cried and held her close to me and begged her to never do that again. And one time when I was cut off in traffic she yelled out a racist remark she heard in school; I smacked her; another idiotic reaction. I tried to teach my child life lessons. As in the racist remark I invited my friend over to dinner that night and after dinner we sat in the living room and she talked to my child and explained how that word made her feel. My daughter cried and cried and hugged my friend. When she was young there was always a corner handy and when she got older there was always a privilege we could take away. We always tried to teach life lessons. I truly believe a child lives what they learn. I'm sure you all know that poem. If not goggle it and read it.
BBQME2 says: on May 30, 2008
My oldest is 26 and my youngest is 7 (total of 7 children). I never beat my older kids but they got swats on the bottoms for things that could really hurt them, like playing with outlets or running away from me in a parking lot ect. Since all these "laws and Child research" I must say my younger children have never really been spanked. I was afraid DHS or someone would come if I did. My last three children ages 7, 13 and 15 are more out of controle than their older siblings. They are more sassy and not as respectful to their elders. They seem to be more testing on the limits that are set for them and don't get along together as well as the older 4. My Parents say its just the "times of the world." I say it has a little to do with the way they have been diciplined, too. As for the verse from the Bible Spare the Rod and Spoil the Child. I have always been taught and when I read it as it tells me; If I "SPARE" the rod I will "SPOIL" my child. A spoiled child is not a good thing.
rmhartsell says: on May 30, 2008
As apart of the "younger generation," ( I am a 24 year old working mom) I can see the difference between people my age who were spanked as children and others who were not.

The disipline that parents give affects the child's whole outlook on authority for their whole lives! If a child is wrong, then they need to be reminded that there is an authority that NOTICES AND CARES. Without that guiding authority, kids run around unchecked, wild, and undisciplined.

Now, as an education administrator, I see young adults in graduate school who think (1) nothing is there fault. (2) everyone in authority is "trying to keep them down." and (3) take no personal accountability whatsoever when they do something wrong.

It has to start somewhere people! If you love your kids, teach them a healthy respect for authority. And if it takes a swat on the rear, then so be it.
Karmacidal says: on May 31, 2008
Correlation does not equal causation. That being said, anything done in an inappropriate or to excess will cause harm, be it reward or punishment.

Firm, consistent discipline is necessary to child development and a loving parent that swats their child calmly to reinforce a rule or get their undivided attention is doing their child a favor.

Learning that some actions have unpleasant consequences is crucial to being a responsible adult.
cometgirl says: on Jun 05, 2008
how valid is this study? Is it retrospective????? The majority of us who've commented have been spanked, myself included and have had no issues or emotional scarring. I have 3 boys and while I try to talk to them when they're misbehaving and use timeouts, sometimes a swat to the rear when appropriate works better. Psychologists (?) are figuring out how damaging our childhoods have been and now with a society of no spanking at all, look at all the disrespect...not in a million years as a child would I call an adult by their first name..today children rarely use Mr. or Mrs. anymore..more violent..etc...yep, they are not spanked and more disrespectful than ever - I'm not advocating we change back to a society of spanking, just that it does have some merit when discretion is used.
thershey says: on Jun 05, 2008
I think that a swat is sometimes neccessary,for the benefit of the young child .
ladyporsche911 says: on Jun 06, 2008
Waaa! Waaa! Sorry, but I don't subscribe to the theory of spanking causes unprotected sex at an early age or obesity! I was spanked rather harshly when I was young and smacked in the face but it didn't cause promiscuity or ignorance nor obesity. It is far too easy to pin the blame on whatever is popular at the moment. I have 3 kids, the only things I vowed never to do was spank when I was angry and face slap. They have turned out fine, okay the last one is still in process (she's 4)! The other 2 are 21 and 26 and as I said are fine. I dare say the so called experts have no children and if they did then they would et just as baffled as the rest of us parents! I am not saying beat the snot out of them, but the occassional whack on the bottom is not going to scar them for life. But on the other hand....opinions are like a..holes, everyone has one!
Lusadi says: on Jun 07, 2008
The problem with any psychological study is that the field as a whole is based in theory and not in fact. They 'think' this could be the cause, but there is rarely solid factual proof to back it up. It has a history of defending the popular view and ignoring the actual.
marylsmith88 says: on Jun 08, 2008
Our generation has been raised that sex is not something that should be honored and should only happen in marriage. From what is on tv to easily accessible birth control pills, unprotected sex is more common than most people will admit.

Unprotected sex rates aren't affected because a child was spanked. It's because birth control pills allow for people to have unprotected sex without worrying about pregnancies.

Theories are great, but most people use theories to blame everyone but the real culprit.
marylsmith88 says: on Jun 08, 2008
**we were raised to not think that sex should be reserved for marriage

sorry for the typo! :)
Aloyse77 says: on Jun 18, 2008
Sexual problems are only from a person searching for their pleasure. You can not blame a spanking for someones issues as an adult. Its just an excusse for your bad behavior, once you realize you made bad choices. It's your life you pick how you will live! Think before you act, the results are all YOUR!
Aloyse77 says: on Jun 18, 2008
***ALL YOURS***
interested says: on Jun 19, 2008
Most of the "many other studies" Straus cites is seriously flawed. As with most other things, especially behavioral issues, the who how and why of corporal punishment really makes a difference. Most studies ignore those distinctions - in fact, they pretend that there is no difference between constant, objectively physically damaging (ie causing measurable injuries) corporal punishment, which is abusive by any sane standard and occasional spanking. When you see a researcher say about a home where there is the occasional spanking that there is an "atmosphere f violence" you know that you are dealing with someone who has no clue.

On the other hand, anyone who thinks that a parent (or teacher) cannot be abusive without ever hitting a kid is also totally clueless. Oddly enough, many f the same researchers talk about it, but doing their "research" on corporal punishment totally ignore the issue and it's impact.
eastnashvillenative says: on Jul 08, 2008
I believe that spanking can be a very effective tool. Growing up, the knowledge that I may be spanked made me stop and think twice about my actions. If my only punishment had been to sit in time out and daydream for a few minutes I really don't think that would have had the same effect. I work in a school office and it's absolutely sickening to hear the way kids talk to their parents and teachers. The same ones get in trouble day after day and will look adults in the face and say they know nothing's going to happen to them because all they have to do is call Dept. of Human Services and request an investigation. In school suspension is a free day in a quiet classroom and out of school suspension is a day to sleep late, play video games and roam the streets because Mom/Dad/Granny/Aunt can't take a day off work because they have bills to pay.
durk11 says: on Jul 09, 2008
In those studies, did anyone ever consider the fact that the reason the kids were getting spanked was because it's their personality or 'disposition' to misbehave or not follow the rules.... and that carries over in every other spect of their life. Hence the 'whole sex before marriage thing'. In these studies, were the children given a psychological exam first? I think it's a bunch of rubish. you can't let kids walk all over you. I only reserve my spanking for my kids (ages 4 & 7) when time-outs and reasoning don't work. I haven't spanked my daughter in over a year. She has learned that if she pushes my buttons, she will get a swat on the rear. Although I do agree that there is a fine line between discipline and abuse... parents should start discipling BEFORE they lose their cool.
photogator says: on Jul 14, 2008
I agree with durk11...this study (as any study) has some holes that are not quite filled in, and should be taken with a grain of salt.

However, I was occasionally spanked as a child, but only when I did something really, really bad. My parents preferred to punish by timeouts or restricting privileges. Spanking was a last resort, and it was their way of letting me know that I really crossed a line. I have to say, I never repeated those mistakes again!

I'm not sure how I will respond to my own children (as I don't have any now) but I will probably go the same way as my parents...trying to use any other punishment, but when warranted, I don't think spanking is out of the question.
adgiggle says: on Jul 21, 2008
I was spanked as a child,I am not a sexual deviant.I have one partner and we have been together for 7 going on 8 years and for the first few years we were together we used condoms until we wanted a child and now we use them again.I do not think spanking your child/children leads to sexual deviancy.I do believe abuse leads to many different problems,but simply spanking does not.I also believe not punishing your child/children at all is more dangerous to them and could lead to drug abuse,alcohol abuse,and unprotected sex with multiple partners.because they think they can do what ever they want and there is no consequence.The "God complex"they feel as though they are invisible.
MBenita says: on Jul 23, 2008
Geez. I'd really like to meet the people behind some of these "studies" and see what their kids are really like via a hidden camera. Not only were we spanked, we didn't threaten to call the cops nor were there "time outs" and all the screaming at parents and that crap. Take your behind to your room until you apologize and get your act together! Super Nanny didn't come into the household because it was under control!
Salemsw says: on Jul 27, 2008
I have to say I agree with the last post.(Mbenita)I remember the eye my father would give us growing up and that alone would stop you in your tracks.
firecracker says: on Jul 31, 2008
I agree. My mom just had to give me the look and I knew I better staighten up. I do not agree with spanking but I do feel parents need to make sure kids know who is boss.
ChelleB says: on Aug 06, 2008
I was spanked until I was 10 years old and I was definitely NOT sexually active at an early age. I actually didn't even date in high school and had my first boyfriend when I was 21. I think the findings of this study can hold true for some people, but not for all. My mother stopped spanking me at 10 years old because she felt it was around that age that she could talk to me and easily explain in detail the reasons for why I shouldn't do certain things and that I would understand.
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